Introduction:
Losing someone important to you is like having the ground beneath you suddenly ripped away. No matter how prepared you think you are, when it happens, the shock and pain feel as if you’ve been punched in the gut. The world feels different, and everything seems harder to carry. Right now, as I go through the motions of grief, it feels as though the pain will never end. But deep down, I know I will heal. Grieving takes time, and though it seems impossible now, one day, I will wake up and feel the weight a little less heavy.
The Reality of Grief: A Journey with No Map
What is Grieving?
Grieving is one of those things that no one truly prepares you for. You can read all the books, talk to friends, and hear the comforting “It gets better,” but nothing fully prepares you for the void you feel when someone you love is gone. It’s a process that forces you to face the full range of your emotions—sadness, anger, confusion, and even guilt. But no matter how deep the sorrow, grieving is a natural, necessary response to loss.
It’s not just about the tears; it’s about feeling like a part of you has been taken away, and it’s hard to imagine life without that person in it. Grief doesn’t have a specific timeline. There are days when it feels like it’s getting better, and others when it feels like you’re stuck in a never-ending storm. But one thing I’m learning is that it’s okay to take the time you need.
The Stages of Grief: Why It Feels Like a Tornado
Denial: The Shock of It All
The first thing I felt when I heard the news was disbelief. Grieving doesn’t start with acceptance; it starts with a numbness. “This can’t be real,” I thought. “This is just some kind of mistake. They can’t be gone.” Denial is your mind’s way of shielding you from the full force of the loss. It’s like wrapping yourself in a blanket, trying to avoid facing the unbearable pain.
But eventually, the truth hits, and you realize that there’s no escaping the fact that your life has just changed forever. The person who was there before isn’t there anymore, and it’s like trying to get used to breathing without air.
Anger: Why Did This Happen?
Then comes anger—at the world, at fate, at yourself, and even at the person who left. You find yourself thinking, Why them? Why now? It’s hard to shake the frustration and the helplessness that comes with it. It’s like trying to control a storm that’s beyond your power. Some days, I just wanted to scream and ask, Why did they have to leave?
But here’s the thing: anger isn’t something to shy away from. It’s a part of grieving. It’s okay to feel it. Just like any other emotion, it needs to be processed. The trick is not letting it consume you and hold you in that space too long.
Bargaining: If Only I Had…
This is where you start asking yourself what if. What if I had said more? What if I had done something differently? You’ll replay everything in your mind, questioning every action, every word, wondering if there was some way to stop this from happening. I’ve found myself asking, If I had just called one more time… But I know deep down that none of that would have changed the outcome. Grieving isn’t about turning back time, it’s about learning how to live with the loss and find a way to carry it without getting crushed by it.
Depression: The Hollow Feeling
And then there’s the silence—the crushing sadness that weighs you down, making it hard to get out of bed. Some days, it feels like I’m walking through life with a fog over my eyes. Everything seems dull, everything feels harder. Grieving is heavy. There’s an emptiness that fills the space where your loved one once was. It’s hard to explain to others, especially when you don’t have the energy to explain it at all. But I have to remind myself that this is temporary, even though it feels like it won’t ever end.
Acceptance: Learning to Live Again
Eventually, I know I’ll come to a place where the sharpness of the pain dulls, and I can look at the memories without falling apart. Acceptance doesn’t mean forgetting—it means acknowledging the loss and learning how to live with it. It means carrying their memory with you in a way that doesn’t break you. Grieving doesn’t have an end; it simply evolves. I know that, over time, the pain won’t be as sharp, but the love and the memories will stay.
The Weight of Grief on Your Body: When It’s Not Just Emotional
Physical Symptoms of Grief
What people don’t often talk about is how grieving can affect your body. The sadness can manifest as exhaustion, headaches, or even stomach problems. For me, I’ve found myself feeling physically drained. Grief is not just an emotional experience; it’s a physical one too. It’s as though my body is mourning right alongside my heart.
Sleep Struggles
One of the hardest things to deal with during this time is the sleep disruptions. Whether it’s tossing and turning all night or falling into an exhausted sleep, only to wake up with the weight of the world on your chest, sleep becomes elusive when you’re grieving. I’ve tried everything—journaling before bed, taking deep breaths, but some nights, it feels impossible to find peace. Still, I remind myself that this is part of the process.
Finding Ways to Cope with Grief: Small Steps Toward Healing
Give Yourself Permission to Grieve
In the midst of all the pain, one thing that’s helping me is simply giving myself permission to grieve. I’m not trying to rush through it. I’m not pretending to be okay when I’m not. Grieving is a messy, ugly process, but it’s real, and it’s mine. I have to feel what I need to feel, even when it hurts. It’s okay to cry, to yell, to be sad. It’s okay to miss them with every fiber of your being.
Embrace the Memories
I’m learning that holding onto the memories isn’t a way of refusing to let go—it’s a way of keeping them with me. I find comfort in the little things, like hearing their favorite song or looking at old photos. Even though it makes my heart ache, it also makes me smile. Those memories are still alive in me, and no one can take them away.
Talk to Someone You Trust
One of the most important things I’ve learned is that I don’t have to go through this alone. Talking to someone who understands, or even someone who doesn’t but is willing to listen, can make a world of difference. Grieving is isolating enough; we don’t have to face it in silence. If you can, reach out. Share the pain. Let someone sit with you in it. It may not take the pain away, but it will make the load a little lighter.
Conclusion: The Healing Will Come, But It Takes Time
Right now, everything feels broken. There are days when I think I can’t possibly make it through this. But deep inside, I know I will. Grieving is a journey—one that feels unbearable in the moment but with time, becomes something you can live with. Your loved one may be gone, but they are still with you, in every thought, in every memory, in every piece of who you are. They may not be here physically, but their essence, their spirit, lives on in you.
Healing takes time. It’s messy, and it’s painful, but it’s possible. If you’re going through this, know that you’re not alone. Take it one step at a time, one breath at a time, and trust that one day, the pain will ease.
What’s your experience with grief? How are you coping with your loss? Let’s talk about it in the comments below.— It’s okay to not be okay.